Category: the Rant Board
I thought about putting this on the rant board, but I'm not really ranting, just annoyed.
OK so it sort of did turn into a rant, but I'm not moving it now. lol
Sitting in front of me are 3 gifts that I received recently for my birthday. I haven't even put them away because I can't think where to put them. They would either just be in my way, or I'd forget about them entirely. As of right now, my plan is to let them sit where they are for a few weeks, until I lovingly take them to the trash...
I love the people who gave me these things, but I'd much rather they'd have spent the time with me, instead of at the store frantically trying to find something for me when they remembered it was my birthday.
Maybe I'm just trying to assuage my own guilt because I rarely remember birthdays and I never have a clue what to get people.
I realize that for most people, just getting the gift is the important thing, whether they'll actually ever use it or not. I'm just not that way. There's very little I want, and if I need something, I go out and get it rather than hoping someone might eventually give it to me. And I don't like a lot of clutter, so if it's in my way, it'll be thrown away. lol I guess you could say gifts just aren't my love language at all.
I know there are people who love shopping and love to add to their pile of things, but why should all of us be expected to do it on certain days just because some like it?
I can only think of about 3 gifts I've ever received that I really loved and that I could tell the person chose especially for me. Most have been a last-minute rush job because it was the expected date for giving a gift.
I'll happily pick up gifts for someone, if I happen to run across something I know that person will really love. I might save it for them for Christmas, or give it to them just because.
But I think most people have way more stuff than they'll ever use or appreciate already, so why should I add to their pile just because I'm expected to?
I like picking out gifts for under-priveleged children because I know they don't have much and will usually appreciate what they get.
But Right now I am faced with the responsibility of finding gifts for my niece and nephew's birthdays and Christmas, who already have every toy under the sun and spend a lot of their playtime on the computer anyway. It'll take me a lot longer to find their gifts than the time they'll actualy play with them.
I've already asked my own kids whether they want a traditional wrapped-up gift from me on Christmas. What my daughter really wants is extra minutes on her phone, and my son wants a subscription to a particular web site. So I told them I'll be getting them those things, the first part of December, and then they may not have anything from me to open up on Christmas Day. They're both fine with that, and I know they'll be getting hours of enjoyment out of what I'm getting them, even though I often get them stuff like that all throughout the year... But that's kind of the whole point, people nowadays usually pick up what they want, when they want it.
It's not like the days when I was a kid, when Christmas was the only time we really ever got new stuff. I remember the excitement and anticipation of getting something new, or something that I had been longing for all year, and that was part of the magic of Christmas.
but do people really have that sense of anticipation nowadays?
And I'm not a Screwge. lol I love everything else about Christmas, just not the gift part.
smile I think the whole Santa and gift-giving thing is fun to do with really small kids, even though the Santa thing has kind of been ruined because now there's a Santa on every street corner for 2 months beforehand,
but for older kids, and for the rest of us,I think the gifts just add to the selfishness and/or stress of the season.
I really think that in an affluent country like ours, times of expected gift-giving are an outdated tradition that I wish we would give up. lol I know that's wishful thinking, but a girl can dream.
Smile. So everyone please scratch me off your Christmas list right now, and I'll happily do the same. That's the best gift you could give me. lol
Kim
I think there's far too much emphasis on the need to spend money we don't have on stuff people don't need.
I look at people at Christmas and am astounded at just how stressed they get over the presents they haven't yet found, and the sense of non belief when I tell them that actually, I don't need or want anything so why not save the money.
I like to buy things for people that mean something to me. Just because, and yes, I will buy for them for christmas/birthdays, but I won't buy worthless tat that they clearly don't need and which will probably be on ebay by the end of the month anyway.
Equally I have no expectation.
so ... yep, am with you there..
I agree Christmas should be about spending time with family and friends not gifts. All gift giving does is make people stressed because they don't know what to buy, it makes children selfish because they think that they are supposed to recieve a gift. Most gifts end up in the trash, or regifted, or sold on ebay.
Anyway aren't we supposed to be celebrating the birth of Christ? shouldn't we be doing things that would make Jesus happy? Like i don't know helping the needy.
People are much too materialistic nowadays, especially kids. I suppose they can't help it, cause it's the parents who spoil them first, but it's enough to make you want to kick them. They have no idea how hard adults work to get the money to buy them things. And if you don't explain to a child early what the true meaning of Christmas is, and that the gifts are just an added bonus, they'll be brats in other ways later in life.
I've been told often and by lots of people that I have a nack for picking out good gifts for people. If I have a close friend, I enjoy buying them something that they really want. I'm not in to getting someone something just for the sake of giving them something. If I can't think of anything they'd want, I just don't get them anything. It's pretty rare though, because when I decide that I really want to get to know someone, I learn a lot about them. I take the time to find out what they like. If at all possible, I'll get them something that they've actually expressed a desire to have. I don't believe in waiting for Christmas or a birthday, either. If I want someone to have something, and I have the money to buy it, I'll get it at any time of the year.
I agree with you, Kim. The best part of Christmas is giving presents that I know people will like, and seeing their reactions. However, what I enjoy even more is getting someone a gift when it's totally unexpected: when it's not Christmas, not their birthday, not Valentine's day, or any of the crazy days Hallmark makes up. When there's no reason to do it except to surprise the person, to show them you care about them. That's the most fun. The other thing I can't stand about Christmas and other holidays is when someone gives a gift, and the recipient feels obligated to give one in return. In my mind, gifts should never be given out of a sense of obligation. Doesn't that defeat the whole purpose in the first place?
here here, Kim!! it's refreshing to see others feel similarly as I do. I've always felt gifts should only be given from the heart, not cause society says they should on a specific day. that totally defeats the purpose, in my opinion.
I like giving, and getting gifts. I don't like getting useless gifts, nor do I like giving them, and I'm not gonna buy somebody a tacky sweater just because it's their birthday and I'm supposed to get them something. That said, if you don't know what to get me, money is always a welcome gift if you can't find something I'd like. Even if I don't need money, I can always find somebody else to spend it on. It really can be the gift that keeps on giving!
those that have been around me long enough know my views on this.
firstly- i think christmas is just like any other day really, it's like going on a shopping spre- so in sted of 1 or 2 things you buy, you get loads and most of it is not worth it anyway- i've got some really bad gifts in the past and i usually take the feeling- well if you don't know what to get, don't bother wasting your money on something i won't even use.
gifts should only be given for birthdays or something like that- and even then i don't think accessively.
oh thank you all. I feel so vindicated now. smile. Maybe I'll start a campaign to get the gifts out of Christmas. Wonder how far I'll get? lol
Kim
Instead of tossing the things you were given maybe donate them?
I love receiving things, but I am as you are to much is just to much.
Give me something I can use and you've got me. Give me something I already have, or can't use, or don't need, than I'll give it away.
I love the gift giving, and the gift receiving, but I try to learn what a person can use. If I can't find that something I give them a cash card with a message of my love for them. They can do the cluttering themselves. Lol
well all our thrift shops and stuff like that around here are already overflowing, so I wouldn't take them there. nor am I going to go to the trouble of hunting down someone who might like the stuff. If someone happens to see the things sitting on my table and likes them, I'll say, "you're welcome to them!"
As for gift cards, I guess I'd rather receive them than something I don't need, and I've even been known to give them, because it was a family gift exchange or whatever and I gave a card to a place I knew the person would like. But to me, gift cards still say, "I felt obligated to get you something, but I didn't want to be bothered to actually find you something, so I threw some money at you instead."
lol My sister always laughs about Christmas with her inlaws, who hate buying gifts, so they all sit around and exchange gift cards for about 10 minutes. lol Why not just dispense with the tradition entirely and just enjoy each other's company instead? It always amazes me how hard it is for people to give up their traditions, whether they make any sense or not.
Kim
Speaking of such annoying traditions, what exactly is the point of sending someone a Christmas card, with only your name signed? I used to get so excited to get cards from certain people, because I could finally see what was going on with them, only to open the card and see they'd only signed their name! Makes me furious!
I really hope people see they can stop such silliness now that we have facebook and all kinds of ways to communicate. Now don't get me started on all the things that bug me about facebook either. lololol OK I'm in a ranting mood today, I'd better get off of here before I really give myself a reputation.
Kim
Agreed. Christmas cards are stupid, and a waste of time and money; money you could be giving me as a gift.
There is huge commercial pressure to get consumers spending, to kick start or boost the economy (however said economyis doing). Therefore, commerce has hi-jacked almost all the traditional holidays to make them their own. Christmas, Valentine's Day, Easter, Thanksgiving (I don't even like turkey for goodness sake) and so on.
I stubbornly refuse to give anything on Valentine's Day, and I know I may come off unromantic for it, but to a couple anniversaries mean something, and random gifts are random gifts, and should be given when they are needed. If my computer is about to break down in July, I am not going to try and hold on till Christmas, and if I want that song of iTunes, I am bloody well going to be a mindless and horrible consumer and pay the 99 cents to download that thing (ok, there's always PirateBay .. not that I am advocating it, but that's beisdes the point).
Christmas is extra fun with kids, but giving them something small for actual Christmas, and if they want something like legoes or whatever, give that to them after Christmas (Craigslist unwanted presentsor using after Christmas sales) is the way to go, and I shamelessly admit to having used it. Sometimes your kids are more ecited about the wrapping paper than the fancy gift inside it anyway, and there is absolutely no correlation between the price of the present and its enjoyent. That will come later I am sure, may be age 7 or 8, but for the first 5 years this eems to hold true.
I prefer a glass of champaign to a sweater, unless I'm horribly cold, and a romantic night in to an expensive restaurant (though I love an inexpensive restaurant, that's why I love Living Social and Groupon, best of both worlds, good food, great price, no washing up). I hate going to an expensive restaurant, however good the food is, if I feel I am overpaying, may be $100 for a fancy dinner, I know I could've gotten $20 dinner that was 85% as good, and fed the family for a whole week for the difference.
So, call me cheap, but this works extremely well, and makes sure we can still do fun things in February, rather than looking to split the $5000 credt card bill into 6 equal payents of $1200 each, because there's criminal interest rates on the card.
I love giving and receiving gifts. And, if I don't know what to get somebody, I give gift cards. That may be considered not so classy to some, but nobody's complained.
People think gift cards are just given out of obligations or excuses, but I don't think that's always the case. I know many of my guy friends aren't sure what to get for me, but they know a few places I really like, and so will get gift cards to those places for me. I don't complain about that at all. Same goes for me getting things for friends sometimes. If I don't know what they need or could use, I will get a gift card to someplace I know they like to buy from, and they've always seemed fine with that. If someone wants to get me a gift, but isn't sure what to do, I have no problem with a gift card or money being given, nor giving that. I'd rather do that than get someone something they don't want, or be given something I don't want, either, then have to figure out what to do with it.
Well these gift cards always have a place to write a sweet message.
I love you and know you like... so I'm giving you this card to get what you might like frome there. Smile. Come on, give me a card.
totally am not feeling the gift card thing either unless as stated above it is for lets say me and my partner to go to eat or something. I actualy am one to always be buying gifts because I enjoy it. I actually don't like getting though because as stated in the first message I don't know what to do with half the stuff I get.
Yeah I don't mind a gift card in that case. the main thing for me is whether the person has put any thought or effort into the gift. so if someone gets me a card to amazon and says buy a good book with this, I'd really appreciate it because I know the person was actually thinking of me and what I might want. But if that same person gets me a gift card to amazon for the next 5 years, well then it's just a meaningless tradition that could be happily let go.
Kim
I have been trying to convince those around me to stop giving me gifts, or to drop back to one gift per person, for around a year. If I need a new set of cables, or a new book, as others have said, I'll just go out and get the item.
Christmas isn't Christmas anymore; it's gift'mus. Don't get me wrong, there is thought that goes into all the gift giving and getting, but why worry, when you can sit around the supper table as one enormous gaggle of people, and enjoy the time you have together?
I had to agree with this one; it's been driving me nuts for a good while.
As a side-note, if anyone has any suggestions for how to deal with the Reticent's of others to embrace the idea of less gifts, I would love to here them.
Simply put, Thanksgiving= greatest holiday ever
No presents, just Food, Football, and Family...
My daughter and nieces love gift cards, to stores, to iTunes, etc. Irony of ironies: While people struggle their way through most things in life, gifts are sometimes a bright spot, and yet they have their naysayers.
The most notable anti-gifts movement in recent history was the Puritans, if that tells you anything. They were also against celebration of holidays. A bleak existence of all work and no play? No thanks.
lolol well I don't think I'm in too much danger of becoming a puritan yet, but thanks for the warning though, I'll keep it in mind. Interestingly, the puritans were also against dancing. so now what if there were 4 or 5 days a year where everyone was required to attend a dance, and dance, and enjoy it, and if you chose to stay home one of those days, you'd disappoint a dozen people who would consider you an ungrateful screwge. I bet you'd find some people rebelling against that after 40 years of forced dance attendance.
lol and I'm hardly against holidays, so I don't think I'm on any dangerous slope headed there. To me, holidays are about friends and family, food and games, and fun, not selfishness and more materialism...
Kim
I think most if not all holidays are overrated anyway. i agree with the poster who said thanksgiving is the greatest holiday ever.. You can just eat all the turkey and pumpkin pie you want without worrying and stressing over this whole gift giving nonsense lol.
Man, I wish I were friends with the people y'all know, those of you that feel like you get too many gifts. *smile, just kidding* But really, I'm so used to getting at least one gift for Christmas or sometimes my birthday and Valentine's Day. (The birthday and Valentine's Day presents are a bonus to me, but for me, it just feels strange not getting even one thing for Christmas.) I don't have the money to buy even the things that I feel like I need (ones that would help me to live more independently), so I ask for those things for Christmas. These would be special things like a talking bar code scanner, tactile games such as a sodoku set or an accessible version of the game Phase Ten, an external hard drive, things like that. I don't ask for many things, and they're always ones that are not just going to be sitting there and taking up space. Unfortunately, some of the things I would get if I had the money are too expensive for my family to get. But if I had at least one of those things as a present, I'd be really happy, plus it would definitely be put to use. The types of gifts I'm not into though are ones that I wouldn't ore would only rarely buy on my own anyway, for example makeup/jewlery/unique bath accessories, clothes or shoes, books (unless it's one I really want that I can't find on NLS or Bookshare), decorative items, etc. But, even if I had the money, I prefer gifts that show that the person put thought into what they got me (such as if it's something I've been wanting/needing or that they know I would enjoy/use.) Even if I had the money, I take it as it being that much less money I spent on getting that thing. If I had everything I would ask for though, then I would totally get where some of y'all are coming from. Either way, if a person doesn't know what I like or if they insist on getting me something even if I had everything I wanted/needed, cash or a check are always welcome. *smile* Gift certificates and gift cards are also fine if they know it's to a place I'm likely to buy from.
As for cards, I'm not too much into them either, but it's mainly because most of them do not have anything interesting about them, no tactile pictures/writing to distinguish certain cards from others, and/or no sound. They could be read to me, but I'd honestly soon forget what they say. I still keep all the cards I get though because I know the person who got it thought of me enough to get something, but the ones I like the most are the ones with tactile pictures and/or ones that have Braille/raised print or audio inside the card.
Hay Kim,
I would vote for you.
Christmas to me is getting together with family and enjoying the day being with them